The Power of Humility
“Sorry, folks, I own this one. My mistake.”
“You know I’m not particularly good at that, so I’m going to ask for your patience.”
“Yes, I was slow to act on that. I wasn’t sure and it got the better of me.”
“Hey, I’m sorry I let you down on this. I’ll try not to let it happen again.”
“I know what I think I see, but I might be wrong. Tell me your side of things?”
“I realize I’ve been moody lately; I’ve been struggling with some personal stuff.”
As simple as they may seem, phrases like these reflect something profound about the person saying them. They reveal in an individual a particular attitude toward themselves, others, and the situation around them. It’s called humility.
Humility isn’t a personality trait or a style of interpersonal interaction (e.g., quiet, mild-mannered, unassuming) or a reflection of a person’s circumstances (“she came from humble beginnings”). It’s not that vague feeling of insecurity or inadequacy we all feel at times. It’s not about being the opposite of loud, brash, or arrogant…whatever that might be.
Humility is a posture where I consciously accept three things about myself and the situation in front of me: 1) I have limits on my ability to know everything I need to know, 2) I may not always fulfill the obligations demanded of me by my role and the context and, 3) I need to keep a clean slate with others involved.
Let me begin by making a simple observation: human beings show up to life with an opinion. An infant has an opinion. Your teenager has an opinion. You and I have opinions. We can’t help this. In fact, without an opinion, we’d never be able to move forward: “Do I wear the blue shirt today or the brown one? Blue or brown? Brown or blue? I don’t know! I guess I won’t decide and just stay home…”
To be human is to have an opinion, so this isn’t the problem. It becomes a problem when I tacitly assume that my opinion of a situation is right – or right enough – so I don’t need to ask any further questions. Or, that my actions were right – or right enough (or at least not that bad) – so I didn’t need to change anything. Or, if I realize things should have been different, I don’t need to acknowledge this to others involved. Humility doesn’t let us off the hook so easily.
Moreover, humility forces me to temper my self-justifying mindset. Remember those people towards whom we feel contempt, anger, fear, or some other negative emotion? They must deserve it, right? (I mean, why else would we feel the way we do?) None of us would say this in just this way, but it’s easy to act like this.
True humility, on the other hand, insists that we learn to control these emotions (and the thoughts generated by them) and suspends judgment until the truth of the matter is more clearly known. And no matter what we find, we take the high road because we know life is challenging, people are more complex than they seem, and somewhere, someone feels the same way about us.
Because of this, humility is also the gateway to true credibility and its cousin, trust. In leadership, there are few more powerful allies than these. The logic is simple: if you have authority over me, I already know you have the power to make my life difficult. That much is obvious. What isn’t obvious – and what I really want to know – is do you respect this power and steward it responsibly? Do this well and you’ll stand out as different. Humility compels me to honestly consider the consequences of my actions given the authority I have over others.
Remember Jim Collins’ “Level 5 Leader”? These are the ones who “display a powerful mixture of personal humility and indomitable will. They're incredibly ambitious, but their ambition is first and foremost for the cause, for the organization and its purpose, not themselves.”[1] Conspicuous humility is fundamental to being this kind of leader.
When we ask questions, resist jumping to conclusions, give the benefit of the doubt, and have a healthy suspicion of our own judgment, we demonstrate that we are more interested in knowing what’s true than merely being right. We also send a powerful message to our employees that we’re not interested in trying to maintain a thinly veiled façade of perfect competence by avoiding the difficult truths. This is a hallmark of Level 5 leadership.
Finally, when we embody an attitude of humility, we invite others to do the same. Your willingness to own the truth about yourself creates a safe environment and you demonstrate that this quality is essential to being an effective, results-oriented individual, and a valuable member of a team.
When I’m training, I often ask groups whether their respect for their boss goes up or down when he/she honestly owns a mistake. No one has ever said “down.” Ever. We instinctively know that a posture of humility is itself a mark of maturity. Weak leaders resist owning what’s theirs to own; strong leaders do this easily and, in doing so, announce to the world that they’re putting others and the success of their organization first.
Moving Forward…
For most of us, finding situations where we can demonstrate humility will be easy. Just look around and be open to what you see.
Don’t wait for a major crisis; start with small, everyday situations and in doing so you’ll subtly expand the kind of conversations you have with your employees. It’s fine to make these “oh, by the way…”
Be clear, concise, and matter of fact. Avoid excess emotion, dramatic gestures, or grandiose pronouncements. These can only make things awkward, can look like unnecessary self-flagellation, and can undermine the sincerity of your actions.
Resist needing a response from others unless it’s necessary. Just say what you need to say and move on.
If you find yourself needing to apologize for the same thing repeatedly…you probably just need to fix it. Humility also demands that we take our personal growth seriously, especially as it impacts others.
A posture of humility applies to virtually every relationship and is essential to building — or rebuilding — trust and intimacy. Try this at home.
[1] https://www.jimcollins.com/concepts/level-five-leadership.html