How to Give Great Corrective Feedback
Think about how many relationships—professional or otherwise—go sideways because we’re are unable to share important issues in a way that allows the other person to really hear them? The world would be a different place we if could do this. It’s that important.
Giving corrective feedback well is one of the most important skills any manager can have. Learn how to do this well and your life becomes much less stressful. Think about how much time and energy you waste fretting about that difficult conversation you have to have…yet keep avoiding?
Right, you and me both.
Getting to this level of competence will take work, but it can happen. The goal of giving good corrective feedback should always be twofold:
To deliver the message we need to deliver, no more and no less. We don’t compromise this because we’re afraid of how it might be received.
To deliver this message in such a way that it can be received non-defensively. Defensiveness reduces learning, lowers engagement, and otherwise subverts the goal of the feedback itself: positive behavior change.
How do we do this? To start with, let’s remind ourselves what’s going on in a corrective feedback situation that makes it so difficult:
Since we’re talking corrective feedback, we can assume it’s confrontational. When confrontation is involved, anxiety is almost always present.
Anxiety reflects fear. For the one giving feedback, this fear can stem from any number of factors: What if they don’t agree and argue with me? What if they’re crushed? Do I have the credibility to give this feedback? I want to be liked and now this is in jeopardy. Whatever the reason, almost everyone experiences some level of anxiety when they have to confront someone else about anything. This post addresses some ways you can grow through your own fear in these situations.
For the one receiving feedback, his or her fear is more easily understood. Negative feedback challenges something about me that I hold dear: my sense of self or self-perception, my place in the system, my status in a relationship, my reputation, etc. This can be concrete (I might lose my job) or more intangible (I might look foolish). Fear is fundamentally human and something we all experience.
How can we craft our feedback in such a way that reduces the chance for a fear-laden reaction, whatever that looks like? There are three levels that we need to let guide us.
(Note: the feedback I have in mind here isn’t the everyday, “oh, by the way” kind of feedback. It’s the “we have an ongoing performance issue and need to have a conversation about it” kind of feedback. As a manager, you need to get really comfortable having quick, simple, low-key conversations that gently redirect employees as needed. When you begin to do the small issues well, the big issues become much easier).
Ok, here we go…
Level 1 – Where to Begin
Here are a few high-level ideas to get you oriented in the right direction:
No Drive-by Feedback – This is stopping by their desk, dropping the bomb, and then walking away. Yes, we’ve done our job of “giving feedback” but there there are so many reasons why this is wrong (again, this is fine for truly low-level stuff).
Plan and Prepare – Your employees deserve this to be done right. Keep in mind that when the difficult parts of leadership are done well, they actually build morale. See this post for more on this: Growing Into Your Authority
Anticipate Challenges – How might this conversation go sideways? Defensiveness? Denial? Distraught? Disinterest? (I could keep going…) You know the person you’re talking to so make a contingency plan and keep it in your back pocket. There’s actually a lot to be said about dealing with difficult employee responses, but I don’t have space here.
Empower Them – Employees can feel powerless when receiving difficult corrective feedback and this will only increase the potential for defensiveness. Find small ways to help them retain some power at this difficult time: maybe they decide when and where to have the meeting (but you give parameters), you show flexibility regarding the timeline for improvement, be willing to negotiate what exactly needs to change, etc.
Demonstrate Humility — Make this a conversation, not a monologue. Ask for their side of the story. Say things like, “this is my take on the situation…am I missing something?” Tell a story about your own professional struggles. Being humble doesn’t mean that you can’t be firm about the change you need to see.
Remind Them They’re Valuable — you wouldn’t be having this conversation unless the issue at hand was causing a problem. This means the employee in question is de facto important to what you do. Remind them of this and how much of a positive impact they can have when they take responsibility for their actions.
Assume Good Intentions. Until proven otherwise, assume the person you’re giving feedback to is reasonable and generally cares about themselves, the work, and being a good employee. Give the benefit of the doubt until they prove you otherwise.
Level 2 – Your Posture in the Moment
We’re emotional creatures and instinctively read others through their emotional interaction with us. This is no truer than in situations involving confrontation. Moreover, we can easily bring less-than-helpful communication habits to these often intense situations. Below are a few do’s and don’t’s for how you should show up in the moment…
Do these…
Be “for” the person and demonstrate humility
Body language: relaxed, friendly
Give feedback in private
Be specific, with examples
Be accurate ("sometimes/often")
Point out what’s working well
Address one issue at a time
Remind them they are important
Make it a conversation
Give in person
Speak from your own experience*
Don’t do these…
Show anger or frustration
Body language: aggressive
Confront in public
Use generalities
Use hyperbole ("always/never")
Ignore good behavior
Pile on, “while I’ve got you here”
Send the message that they’re just a problem
Monologue
Use email, voicemail, carrier pigeon
Use “invisible witnesses”*
* The exception to this is when other employees are reporting behavior that is clearly eroding professionalism or productivity and, therefore, morale. As the manager and chief morale officer, you need to check this out and follow up as needed.
Where this rule applies is if you approach a co-worker and say, “You know, Dan, everyone else is saying they really don’t like it when you do [negative thing Dan does]. Even though I’ve never experienced it with you, I drew the short straw and got elected to tell you about it.”
Don’t do that…and I trust the reasons why are obvious.
Level 3 – Crafting Your Message
Remember, the purpose behind having a method for giving feedback is simply to reduce the recipient’s potential for defensiveness. With this in mind, here’s what you should, and should not, talk about:
Talk about these…
Behaviors
Keep it to what you can see and hear or what others have seen or heard
Impact of these Behaviors
What is the effect of these behaviors on the work environment?
Replacement Behaviors
What do you need to see moving forward? Be as specific as necessary
Specific behaviors are actionable and can be changed
Don’t talk about these…
Character
“You’re inconsiderate and rude…”
“If you weren’t so careless…”
Motives and Intentions
“You’re only trying to undermine me…”
“I know you want this project to fail…”
Thoughts and Feelings
“I know you don’t like your job…”
“Clearly, you don’t feel sorry for this…”
We can’t read minds and these only create defensiveness
This is a framework, not a formula, and as such has a worst-case scenario in mind. By itself, it can feel cold and clinical. We start here since it’s easy to soften it up as needed, depending on your relationship with the employee, their emotional state, and the nature of the behavior in question. No matter the situation, always keep these in mind:
It’s quite possible to be clear in your message, firm in stating the consequences if there is no change…AND show understanding for how your employee feels in this moment. Compassion and truth-telling are not mutually exclusive. For most of us, it will take some effort to build in high levels of both in our feedback.
When you get push back, don’t be quick to counter. Just listen to what they have to say and be open to seeing things from a different perspective. In the end, it’s just fine to say, “I appreciate your perspective and yet this is what I need you to do.”
Remember, you don’t have to “win” this in an emotional/confrontational way so never argue with an employee. We only argue to win the point and you don’t need to do this. You simply need behavior change.
Be sure to bring closure and give positive feedback when you see things changing. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just low-level recognition: “I appreciate your effort with this,” “Thank you for making this a priority,” “The change has really made a difference with the others,” etc.
One final point. As a leader (that is, someone with the power differential), you give off countless subtle cues that tell your people they are in good standing with you: mannerisms, tone of voice, the way you say things, and even engaging them in the first place. Be sure to keep this going with your challenging employee since they will notice. Let your words (the content of the feedback itself, consequences, etc.) create a sense of seriousness/urgency and let your emotional posture communicate empathy…“I’m with you in this.”
Remember…other employees will likely find out how you handle these challenging feedback situations. This means you’ve got an opportunity to do one of two things: demonstrate that getting feedback from you is going to be an awkward/humiliating/ineffective experience that ultimately makes things worse. Or, they will walk out of your office a better employee with a higher respect for you and the work you do together.
You decide.
Managers who give corrective feedback well truly stand out from the herd.